Maps by The Front Bottoms, on Self-Titled
High school was finally over. I was finally free! Well, kinda… It was time for me to enter the “real world”. I was going to college, to UW, moving out. There was so much ahead of me! In retrospect, most of that “real world” stuff was bullshit I’d idealized. I had these huge plans, these expectations for myself, but I was anxious. I knew the comfort of adolescence was “slipping through the palms of my sweaty hands” as I tried to move along in life.
Enter: The Front Bottoms, a band of two best friends, Brian and Mat. It was my favorite band for a long while, to the dismay of anyone who could hear when I was blasting their songs. Why? Well, this song isn’t the most drastic example, but to the classic rock- or pop-worshipping ears (so my parents, sister, and friends) the band sucks. See, Brian – yes, we are on first name basis – Brian isn’t the best at singing. And the lyrics aren’t poetic, they’re weird and blunt. There are no riffs that would make Hendrix proud, but there are voice cracks, keyboard smashes, and voicemail recordings. Things I knew. To most people, it’s shit. The lyrics, the name of the band, the subject matter, the instrumentals: all of it is so crass. But GOD, to newly-18-year-old me? Those nonsense lyrics, off-tune wails, and destructured melodies were my salvation. In my naive adolescence, two white boys from New Jersey were just the most relatable.
This song, Maps, embodies that summer after graduation for me. It makes it all real, audible: that uncertainty, that hope that things will be different, that doubt that they’ll even get better. I could listen and instantly know that I wasn’t the only one who felt like this (well, obviously, but I couldn’t always see that back then). I really did not know what the hell I was doing but I guess these two dudes didn’t either and that was a big comfort, for whatever reason.
I hated high school. I had that whole pop punk “I hate this town and everyone in it” thing and I very much fit The Front Bottoms’ aesthetic. But at the same time I was finally starting to enjoy some parts of my hometown. I was torn. Like the girl in this song, I was emotionally attached. I almost loved my friends enough to stay. But like the guy, I knew “if I don’t leave now then I will never get away” and I would always wonder if I’d be better off some place else.
This song is fairly pleasant to listen to. It’s upbeat tempo and poppy synth carry the band’s usual acoustic guitar and percussion to an optimistic place for a change. It takes me to “senior sunset”, the only purely social event I went to my senior year of high school. I was sitting on the beach with my friends, watching the sun dissolve into the water. In that moment, it felt less like the world was pitted against me. But that was very out of character.
In high school, I unhealthily clung to music because I didn’t have any better ways to cope. I was always overwhelmed by school, trying to please my parents and them not noticing, barely living through an unsustainable four years just to end up on a beach, with a bunch of people I didn’t like. I was mad, uncertain, emotional, unhinged, just like the music I listened to. But it was over. I was caught in the disbelief that I had made it to the end, mind hazy. I was uncertain but I made it, and I didn’t think I’d do that. I’m glad I had Brian and Mat to help me get to the scary, uncertain part to this optimistic, really nice part.
AFRAM337 